''May the road rise up to meet you,
       May the wind be always at your back,
       May the sun shine warm upon your face
       And the rain falls soft upon your skin"


Is it really worth it ??
I am sure it is but after you lose someone that you truly care for beyond anything else you need to really wonder just how it works, and if so why isn't it working for me. Did i upset the world somewhere or somehow ?? Did I run over the proverbial china man ?

Is it really me that has the commitment issue, I really don't think so. I would love to care and cherish a beautiful girl, love her and put her on the pedestal where she should be.
You know I really don't think that that is too hard, yet I know that keeping a relationship stable is sometimes the hard part, but surely communicating is the answer, the key to any great lasting relationship. 

It's bloody hard when you lose someone special, there is a void in your life and is darn hard to fill. I have been told that writing my thoughts on here is lame, I have been near threatened, and just been ridiculed. You know that's fine, my thoughts my feelings and my life.
Is it too much to ask for a long term relationship ?

Is it too much to love someone with all your heart and soul ??

Everybody has been in love but when you lose "the one" it seems that nothing else will ever fill that piece of your heart again. I have some great memories of "the one" and I had some great plans for the future. It is hard to justify and understand when just one person can make a decision on a couples relationship.

Why give up on someone when you truly believe they complete your world, better still how do you convince them about this ? It is true that you cannot make someone love you, but when you lose your heart and soul to someone it seems there is no way out of the rut.

No body has ever rocked my world like "the one", I think of her every day hoping all is good and reflecting on our time together. I see where she works every day and it brings a smile to my face, makes me ponder on life and well just makes me smile.

I was told I should go and talk to someone, but why ?...... I want the happy life, I want the commitment, I want the long life with a beautiful girl- pretty simple.....

I work hard , I love what I do and it was great sharing it.

So, what to do next?? Don't know. I have sat around the fire contemplating life and why we are felt with these issues, not sure if I have found the solution though. I look up at the stars, I ask the question to the man above, haven't seen or found the answer yet, but I will forever keep her in my heart.

You know I am not into the bar scene, the hood scene or any other scene, I am just me, I love my life and enjoy what ever is thrown at me. I have energy, I am not lazy or a jerk. I am happy to take anything head on, but when it comes to having a broken heart, I don't know what to do. Probably some of this makes no sense at all, but I am trying to make it flow. I want to write a lot about my experience, thoughts and emotions but I might be classed and judged.

Really, is it ok to put your thoughts out there ?

 Is it ok to even think like this ?

I believe there is nothing wrong with my mind, there is nothing wrong with my dreams or wishes, there is nothing wrong with putting it out there.


And honestly, I really dont care about what and how people think of me because I have put my heart on the line, my feelings my reaction.

And what about reputations ????...... well mine is intact. 

You broke my heart 

"People may not remember exactly what you did or what u said, but they will always remember how you made them feel."

"The easiest way to lose something is to want it too much" 

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who 

can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life,  but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.

I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.  I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. 

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.

 Same goes for true love.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.
I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control. 

I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned that although the word "love" can have  many different meaning, it loses value when overly used.

I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

What really is it ?... is it the feeling of aching through out your body every day to see someone, or is the feeling of checking your phone every 4 mins to see if you have missed their call??..
Why does it hurt so much ?... I suppose nobody can really answer that as love affects us all in different ways, especially after it has gone like a breeze out a door that has been left open.
My story is as follows about love. 

I met a beautiful girl 2 years ago when she came into my work place and took my breath away, with her stunning looks, the smell of her perfume and the way she held herself. Funnily enough there was a mutual friend who passed on phone numbers and we went from there. I knew from our first date that it would hopefully be forever, and we would accomplish great things. Over the next few weeks we had several dates from bowling, to dinner and to several hours out in the bush. I honestly couldn’t believe the beauty of this woman from inside to out, I held on to every word she said- just wow !.

It was only a matter of time when I met her siblings and she met mine, I think every one was a little apprehensive at first, but it worked and that was fine. Over the course of the next few weeks our dating got serious and we became a couple- fantastic.

It worked out that we met on her lucky number and from there on, everything was just so coincidental it wasn’t funny. Was it meant to be then ?. I certainly hoped and thought so.
Some-things really stick in your mind, like the perfume they wear, how they like their crust cut off their morning toast, and how they like that perfect cuppa in the morning.I was so lucky to be able to do this for this beautiful girl, and somebody even remarked that I must love her by doing those things !-hell yeah.

When you love somebody will all your heart and soul it isn't an effort to do these things as they come natural with the relationship, I have honestly never done any thing like this for any one else, and that just blew my away, I loved doing it and she adored me doing it. OMG- I was in love !!!
The problem I have is that I keep a lot of feelings inside as I have been hurt before, this beautiful girl let me share some with her, but I still couldn’t get them all out- not sure why, not sure why not either. A male thing ??..... I kept it inside of me that I want to spend the rest of my life with her and we would travel, enjoy life and be very, very happy. 2010 was okay to us, we moved forward a bit, little bit backwards then forward again- but isn't that what relationships are all about ? We travel a little bit, camped, made some promises, loved each other, enjoyed the kids, even talked about moving in with each other ( def a huge step for both of us )... I was both excited and nervous. She has 2 great kids, both very active, happy and they enjoy life- I was getting attached (insert smiley face !).

I look at the pics that I have of every one and they are really warming pics to see. The kids are happy and having fun, and the mum, well, is just beautiful as I look at her. Some might think that I am obsessed, or even possessed with her, but no- just totally madly in love. From the tips of her toes to every strand of hair, she is just gorgeous.

From the first time I met her I saw that she liked things to be well, perfect, and I noticed that it reflected on her, from the wearing of her clothes to the way the house was kept and even the way she talked to myself and others.

Men Moods...
It was occurring to us that I too was getting those monthy moods, or going to the shed in my head. The problem I was having was I was cutting every body off for several days at a time, including my beautiful partner. Honestly I couldn’t really see the whole situation that I was doing it, I thought I was just busy with work and stuff. Looking at my star sign (cancer) reading into it, it does say that us guys do it. The other problem that I think wasn’t helping the situation is that I had been living on my own for so long, I couldn’t see my self doing it.

We had a few discussions about this, and I never took it any further, what I should of done was to ask (or to be asked) for a good whack under the ear. We just lived with it. But you know females do it too, different moods, but that’s ok.

Xmas was a great day with her extended family and friends.

2011 was going to be a big year for us I thought. Was very excited about sitting down and talking about moving in and sharing their space and creating a new life.

But then it happened. For some reason I think we stopped communicating, and defiantly took each other for granted. Its funny you know, we are so much alike that we both felt sick in the stomach for some reason, I thought it was my man moods coming back, but looking at it now it wasn’t. It was a storm brewing.

Talking about problems is the BEST thing in the world that you can do about them, but you need to do them with the person whom you are having the problems with. 
That’s where we people apart- NO COMMUNICATION.

And the inevitable happened- we separated with a phone call from her to while I was at work....

What do you do ?... I know what I have done... I have cried every day at little things about the life we have shared, I have found it very frustrating that there is no more contact and I can’t get a hug to fix my broken heart, I find it overwhelming that we have so much to live and learn that it has been swept away like a speck of dust, I am confused on how this happened so quickly. But most of all I just miss this special girl. You know when they are special when you can recall nearly every moment that you spent together, from the clothes on the first date, to the meal on the first date, to quirky sayings over the years, to the perfume that takes my breath away still, to the way that somebody looks even in their work uniform and to, well, just how beautiful they are inside and out.
Is it love when every time you meet or see that special someone you surprise them with loving hugs and kisses, big or little surprises like flowers, chokys, to their favourite snack only available from one store in the whole of your area- I think so.

What about things like having that much respect in their home that you never fart or burp ?.
It’s times like these when you do wake up and that person is not there anymore that you really see how you feel about someone. It has blown me away that I have had several tears in my eyes when I have talked about her to friends and they have the same reaction. We thought it was going to be forever !!!!!...

I suppose we have all wished we could turn back time and sort thing’s out, have a better understanding, make new promises and not break them, divulge our feelings more and just say I love you more often. Sometimes when these things happen time just goes very slow. You think of the worst, think of how you change fix it asap (male thing), think we can still sort it out if we can sit down and take it slow- fall in love again or even take my 200% love to restore your heart.
Everybody knows that you cant make somebody love you, but how can love drift away in a short matter of time ?.. Communication is the key again.

So by now it is obvious that we have fallen apart. I have been devastated by it all and still look for that call or text to say hi and can we talk. Am I dreaming ?.. maybe, but dreams are good when you love somebody with all your heart and soul. Love takes time and time sometimes suck as it is too slow. I miss my beautiful partner from bottom of my heart with every bone in my body. The last 10 days I have written (pen to paper stuff, not this typing rubbish) around 35 pages in letters expressing my daily feelings and well, just stuff. Crazy ? well I am 45 and haven't done that since I was 20 !...

I explained to her that I miss her world, and was looking forward to creating our own world together. I miss those little things that we did and miss those special moments that we were lucky enough to share. I miss her beautiful happy smile, special meals, just her world.
Should I be putting this up here ?. well why not. They say if you love some one shout it from a roof, but I am finding that the right person is not listening so I am not afraid to put it out there.
At the moment I find it hard going from contact to no contact, which is well just hard.
We have never fought, never any major issues, so why the fallout ?just didn’t communicate enough, now I have the lost the love of my life and my future partner- wish I could have it all back ?.... u bettcha.

 Just breaks my heart to think just weeks ago it was all good, and now well it just plain sux. We have so much in common it isn't funny and I find it hard to comprehend that we cant fix it. I suppose what else do you do ?... I would give anything in the whole wide world to work it out, to just have things better again, to believe in this special and beautiful girl that I love from the end of the
world. My heart still skips a beat when I think of her and hear world, thinking of her great aura and beautiful personality. To me people meet for a reason and I struggle to ponder that this meeting is slipping away for really no unknown reason that cannot be sorted. When you find somebody who rocks your world, sometimes things just get into a routine, and you really need to stop- look around at the world- shut the world out and create a life within the world with those who you love, trust and appreciate.

Over out time together I have given up my own sibling a few times just to spend time with this beautiful lady, but that’s just me. We got into the stupid routine of ‘going with the flow’ which was/is an absolutely stupid thing to do. But I suppose sometimes when you get too comfy with somebody it just happens, and it did to us. It amazes me that I feel this way as it def feels like I have lost a family member or even more devastating- a child. My heart is just ripped. Another saying is that if you go to bed thinking of that special someone you will dream of them all night- how true is that.

Was I too reserved in my feelings ?. maybe, but I find it so difficult to comprehend that I cannot express them anymore to make things better and have a happy world again.
Would it work again ?.. well I know the steps I would take to improve the communication, the feelings and the whole picture.

Do I want it to work again ?. well I have asked my self this several times the past few days, and it def would be fine for me to just slowly fade away, but I still believe that when you meet that special someone and there is a connection, you should be able to sit down and look at things to take the steps to sort out issues. So yes I do.

What to do next/now ?.. Well I suppose with the thousand thoughts that go around in my peanut brain every 5 seconds thinking of this beautiful girl, I just have to wait and see, that’s basically all that can happen. You know from the very first day we met I thought OMG how gorgeous is this girl, nothing else matters. I have actually gone to bed holding my phone in case she calls!!!... crazy, nar- just in love. Every where I go I see the things we did, the places we have been to, the places we have talked about and the things we have said. Gee it’s almost sounding obsessive !!.
You know, I look at the photos and see our world, see great things, see nothing else as nothing else matters apart from a great future that can still be had.

In this crazy world it is becoming increasingly rare to find a couple that truly are together and one. is that too hard and too much to ask for ?. I didn’t think so and I still don't think so. Everywhere you turn there seems to be breakups and the such, very disappointing. True love is hard to find but even harder to keep it seems, but for some it def isn't hard work, and the results are def worth it as you travel along the bumpy road of life. In saying that your love should be able to smooth out those bumps and create a fine road to travel on.

Why can’t people just talk ? Sometimes it is hard to maybe find the time (but you should be able to MAKE the time), maybe it is because the problem is to hard, or just maybe you don't know where to start, or maybe your scared of the outcome. Just not too sure. Maybe the hardest thing is to actually sit down and know where to start with it all.

The last few days I have been given a heap of advice. Some good, some not so good. I DO listen to everything said, but you know sometimes the scariest stuff is maybe the big commitment word is too much to handle. I look around at the things I have gathered over the years and I would def give them all up for this someone special
every little last trinket that I have every owned, and will ever own. To me that’s just pure love, total dedication and honesty from my heart. Nothing matters when you are in love. 

The world can blow up, countries can get wiped out and animals can become extinct. It’s funny that over the last 2 years I can recall every single little minute thing that has been extremely special with this beautiful girl, yet I cannot recall any news, special events or world happenings !!!!.
Is it too hard to work out ?.. well I have been pondering this and I find it hard that it can’t/won’t be sorted, not sure why it doesn’t want to be sorted, but I suppose that comes from somewhere. 

That’s all I really want to do, work through things, look at any issues, fix them (or at least take steps to fix them), or is it a time thing?.


another day goes by ..... def miss you